I wish I never would have started purging. I mean I'm sure some things other than that have affected my teeth but that's a huge one. Bathing your teeth in acid multiple times a day causes so much damage. A couple of my teeth honest to god just hurt today. I had a lot of orange juice (mimosas) so that aggravated it but I'm sitting here and crying thinking about the irreversible damage I've done. I couldn't enjoy Christmas dinner without ED thoughts not because my eating disorder really wanted in.. But because thanks to it existing last Christmas, this Christmas was painful. This post sounds like a wahh me post but the point of it is to ask you to please please stop or at least reduce the frequency of purging. I'm upset because enamel is something you can't get back. Once it's gone, it's gone. It's just another thing I gave to my eating disorder in hopes that the lies it told me would come true or that I'd die. Neither of those things happened but I'm still sitting here with the after affects. (Also we could go on and on about the heart palpitations I get but I'll leave that for a different day). #analessons #analesson : you want an eating disorder, say goodbye to your tooth enamel. And while you're at it say goodbye to everything and everyone you've ever cared about. Say goodbye to happiness and to life.. To health. Most importantly say goodbye to your soul. You just sold it to the devil.
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lifeinsidethegrey : @holly__94 Right?! I barely purged until November 2012. I mean I had tried a lot but throughout the first bout and a half with my ED I couldn't. But I figured out for the last bit of the second but went into recovery before I really used it. But this next relapse I had decided "I know how to purge now so I'm going to purge everything". Worst decision of my life. And then eventually it got to the point where I was like "hell I need to slow down" and I would make rules for myself.. One being "Do. Not. Purge. Your parents are spending thousands of dollars on your teeth do not fuck them up." But I would still purge because lo and behold.. It isn't that easy to stop. But I mean.. As far as purging extremely frequently, December and January were after everything. Then it stopped for a few weeks in attempted recovery. Then every time I binged as bulimia caught me.. Then it was about daily for 3 months. So I mean.. It was only 5-6 months of purging and I've done this? Could you imagine if I hadn't committed to recovery?! I'm sorry about your teeth.. I'm lucky that in the grande scheme of things, mine really aren't that bad. Some slightly translucent, yellowed, and a couple that really bother me, but it could definitely be worse. Anyways.. I'm blabbing. I love you. ❤
holly__94 : @lifeinsidethegrey your not blabbing, I love talking to you. Im the same. I mean I figured it out right before I was diagnosed but it was only like a last resort because I hated it SO much. Then went into recovery and forgot about it. Then when I relapsed it was laxs and purging but only a couple times a week. But my last one this year, my god I went for gold. It started in august and last like a few months, I would literally purge everything that went into me. Then started bingeing and purging even though Id never done that before. Its awful how you get so addicted to it because its so hard to stop! But I was lucky and got to the point where I was like "fuck I cant keep doing this to myself" and stopped by myself. Now Im 90 days purge free! :) my teeth are awful, they always hurt, some are loose and transparent. Its the most horrid ED behaviour for me. Something I will forever be disappointed in myself for. Ima stop rambling now! Haha xx
lifeinsidethegrey : @holly__94 That's phenomenal! Purging seems to be the last behavior (of the ones I track) that I can't kick. Cause like.. I haven't binged since June, pulled out hair since July, cut since may, taken a stupid amount of pills since June.. But I still end up purging every few months.. The last being the beginning of December. It's definitely really emotional for me too cause I'll get the urge to purge even if I haven't eaten anything when I'm upset or angry. You know? And it's probably the thing that's poses the biggest threat to me. Like if you think about it, any of the times that I'm purging.. At home or even worse at school, I'm risking stomach and esophagus ruptures, heart attacks, and god knows what else. Like I could drop dead on the bathroom floor in a puddle of my own vomit. Like Kayla stooppp! It's weird how once you're fairly far away from regular use of behaviors you realize just how risky what you were doing was. Hahah.
holly__94 : I know i said this last time but Im exactly the same. I remember being so upset once that I purged even though I hadnt eaten. And if I get overly emotional/stressed purging is the main thing apart from self harm that I go back to. Its definitely threatening to. Since I started Ive had really bad chest pains and my heart flutters and goes weird all the time. It is ironic isnt it? Like when you're doing it its like "oh one more time wont hurt blah blah blah" but when you step back and look at yourself, its so dangerous. You'll conquer it one day sweet, I dont doubt that at all 💛
dontstopthefight : Mhm I understand. :( ❤️
recoveringjoce : this post makes me very sad. i've cried so many times because of the damage i'm doing to my body, but I CANT STOP. now the tears come again... :/
lifeinsidethegrey : @inthelavenderward I'm living proof that you CAN stop. It takes a while and it's the most difficult thing you can do.. You'll hate it at times and it won't go away easily but it is possible. I promise. Don't give up hope. Xoxo.
recoveringjoce : i really wish I could, but if i keep binging like this then I won't stop. 😪
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With one strike of a comb .. 😞
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complete_chaos93 : Take biotin. It's really good for your hair
thinnsmokes_ : @victim_of_the_night13 I'll try it. :) Thank you.
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One of those days
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I do.... I am tonight through ny window.... and idk when I will be back..... maybe there is a note somewhere in my room that no one will find.... explaining.... but it can never be found. #ana #anorexia #anorexic #anamia #analesson #mia #bulimia #bulimic #ed #ednos #edsoldiers #eatingdisorder #depressed #depression #suicide #suicidal #selfharmmm #selfhateee #selfhate #selfinjury #blithe
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